In this grossly underrated horror comedy, sex = death and other things when a pro-abstinence teenager realizes she has a particular mutation in her vagina.
If you’ve ever seen a horror movie, you’ve probably come to expect that one of the first characters to do are the horniest. Even if it having sex in real life doesn’t mean you will literally die, horror movies tend to play into these conservative fears around young people having sex. So when the main character of Teeth (2007) first appears, it felt right that she was acting as a spokesperson for a pro-abstinence group. But it felt even more right when she started biting people’s dicks off.
I’ve heard about Teeth in passing. It’s become sort of infamous for its premise: Dawn, a pro-abstinence teenager, realizes she has a rare case of vagina dentata, a genetic mutation that causes her vagina to have retractable teeth. That premise is pretty ridiculous. But I was surprised by how well that premise was executed.
First off, the film places its horror not just in the bodily mutations and mutilations, but also in the real-life monstrosity of rape culture. Dawn starts out as an optimistic pro-abstinence leader who believes that sexuality is a precious gift to be given to someone else on their wedding day. But when she starts exploring her sexuality for the first time Tobey, the tables turn and she ends up activating the vagina dentata. Although I don’t agree with pro-abstinence sex education, I liked how the film didn’t demonize or disrespect Dawn for being part of that group. Instead, the filmmakers aim their ire at a culture that prioritizes “purity” over maintaining healthy boundaries, which ultimately puts young women like Dawn at risk.
I also thought the choice to show penises but not vaginas a very intriguing one. Dicks aren’t exactly magical, but we have this weird thing in our world where having one of a certain size (and thus virility) is considered the greatest gift a man could have. But with vaginas? They’re not be touched or examined unless a hymen needs to be checked.
So it’s kind of rewarding when the film laughs at the men being victimized. I know I shouldn’t, because I imagine how badly it would hurt, but the film grants you some brief catharsis to laugh at the men who get their rightful comeuppance when they try and take advantage of Dawn. That, combined with the Twilight-level over-sincere acting, makes it both an unironic and ironic good time.
That being said, the irony wasn’t lost on me. I don’t really prescribe to the notion that male directors shouldn’t direct stories about womanhood, but I could tell Mitchell Lichtenstein missed a few notes. Why was it that the vagina dentata wasn’t activated when Ryan gave a distraught Dawn a sedative before having sex with her, but that she only bit his dick off after he confessed to having placed a bet on bedding her? Dawn clearly wasn’t in a position to consent when she had sex with Ryan the first time. But the film doesn’t portray this as rape; instead it’s a sweet and romantic encounter, complete with lit candles and champagne.
Not to mention a lot of the message can get lost in how overtly sincere Teeth is. There’s a fair share of gross-out humor, but I was getting flashbacks to when I was watching student films for a festival and I was cringing at how some films had the right message, but the execution was spread on too thick. I appreciate Teeth didn’t make light of rape culture and purity culture, but I think there were also missed opportunities for camp and parody that could have revealed more subtlety. That’s why Jennifer’s Body has been reexamined; it doesn’t take itself too seriously, but it also assumes the audience is smart enough to piece the puzzle together.
So now I’m at an impasse. The film was funny. It was also slightly misguided in its execution. Does it deserve analysis? Yes. I think the film remaining underrepresented is the worst part. I think if more people saw this, we could have a more productive discussion about where this film should be placed in the genre of female-centric body horror. As a fan of the genre, I welcome it.
BEYOND THE FRAME 
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